I think Sunday was the most emotional I've been in a really long time, which is honestly saying something because I'm a pretty emotional girl.

We went on a retreat (at last) with the church this past weekend. I was somewhat painfully aware of the fact that I have less than a month left with most of those people and that sometime soon I most likely won't be in the same place as any of them at all.

But then I was absolutely elated when Rocío, my best friend here in Mexico and one of my best friends in general, decided to be baptized. Israel and I baptized her in the cold swimming pool in the backyard of the house in which we were staying for the retreat.

It's funny to me, strange really, that some people were kind of congratulating me too. I mean, I understand that I'm the one who's studied with her and I'm her closest friend in the church, but it just seems odd because I'm entirely aware that it was all God's work. Sure he used me, but I can't do the things he does. It's so great to see the fruit of our work here, but I would be a fraud to call it the fruit of my work. Evangelism isn't a game where you win points or something, it's as simple and simultaneously profoud as having the opportunity to work alongside the living God.

Then I became extremely nostalgic, memories of meeting her in the little bus on the way home from Spanish class, her sitting timidly on the couch during small group, her commenting that my facebook interests are almost entirely shared by her to her surprise, ice skating with the girls, playing Mario Kart Wii with the team, laughing with her school friends about silly English and Spanish mistakes we all make, me telling her that her quote that she liked from Harry Potter was actually from the book of Matthew ("Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"), her telling me that she never expected us to become such good friends, failed attempts turned future plans for her to visit Tulsa with me, going through the Mark Study with her, the pictures we've made for each other, the trust we've gained in each other...

I mean I always knew I would miss her intensely, miss her most. But that night when we were praying for her and I knew that she is not only one of my best friends but my sister, that I'll be with her forever in the presence of our God...

I couldn't stop crying.

It was so beautiful.

And it's going to be so, so hard to leave. I'm leaving a part of me here, and I knew that all along, but it struck me like never before. I'm leaving, soon.

And it makes me think of all the others in my life that I love that need salvation, or healing, or answers, or all of the above, and the song we sing came to my mind:

"Jesucristo prometió nunca dejarme.
Mi eterno compañero él será.
En las luchas y en las pruebas, yo siento su amor.
Aleluya, el Señor está aquí.
Está aquí, está aquí, aleluya el Señor está aquí.
Se mueve en mí, se mueve en mí, aleluya el Señor se mueve en mí.
Aleluya, cántale al Señor.
Aleluya, él es digno de loor.
Aleluya, en él todo lo podré.
Aleluya, pronto le veré.
Espera en Dios, y él hará.
Concederá tu petición.
Espera en Dios, y él hará."

"Jesus Christ promised to never leave me.
He will be my companion forever.
In the struggles and in the trials, I feel his love.
Hallelujah, the Lord is here.
He is here, he is here, hallelujah the Lord is here.
He moves in me, he moves in me, hallelujah the Lord moves in me.
Hallelujah, sing to the Lord.
Hallelujah, he is worthy of praise.
Hallelujah, I can do all things in him.
Hallelujah, I will see him soon.
Wait on God, and he will do it.
He will consider your petition.
Wait on God, and he will do it."

God, you've proven yourself to me again and again, and it's beautiful every time. I never get tired of seeing you change things and work in our lives in ways that are in direct response to our prayers, and ways that I didn't even expect. God, you know my heart. Be with me here, be with me where I'm going soon, be with me wherever I go for the rest of my life. I never want to close my eyes and stop seeing you work. Continue to listen and to answer. I know you will even when it's hard to believe. You have, you are, and you will. I love you.


thetysonfamily said...

Love it. XO

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing young woman, Brettin. :D

brettincasie said...

You are too Rachel. :)