Why am I here?

Yesterday I woke up with a semi-panic attack. Not sure why, but two things were occuring - I instantly felt really stressed, and I couldn't breathe well. It was the feeling I get when something really bad is happening, but this was for no apparent reason. When I took my inhaler, I got "the shakes." But I got better pretty soon.

This morning, I didn't wake up panicked, but I did know why I felt stressed - our midterm was today. And on the way to school, I started to feel really bad about sins from my past. I think revisited guilt is my own special brand of culture-shock manifestation. 1 John is really helpful in those times because God is faithful to forgive us when we confess our sins.

So while I was trying to focus on my Bible, the guy sitting next to me was listening to Shania Twain's "I feel like a woman" on his iPod, really, really loudly.

Times like that make me stop and ask myself "Why am I here?" It's not pessimistic - it's my way of reminding myself, even when I feel like crap, what is my purpose? I look at the faces of the people around me, and I remember. I'm here to listen. And I'm here to be heard.

The Shania Twain was awful, but it ended up making me laugh. Sense of humor is so important. When we were walking from one bus to the next, I heard "Bittersweet Symphony," which was great not only because it replaced Shania, but also it reminded me of Kelli's 90s music night in Grass Valley, and of the glorious fact that I'm going to Guadalajara and seeing those people in just a week! I think that's just what I need.

The test went better than I thought it would. My brain went completely numb when I saw my oral test topic, and I felt like I did poorly, but I got a good grade. Go figure. The written part consisted of many vocabulary words I've never seen... but we'll see how that went next week.

Also, a couple of us talked to this lady on the bus. I've been wanting to talk to people in transit, but I'm always afraid that we won't understand each other. Now I know there's no reason to be afraid. So what if I mess up my Spanish? I mess up my English all the time! :)

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